300: Rise Of An Empire
What’s it about?
The Mad God King Xerxes and his giant army continue their attack on Greece as six-packed soldiers fight them. Usually in slow motion.
What did we think?
Anthony Sherratt says: Breasts, blood and slow-motion violence. The latter two to excess. On paper this sequel (technically a companion piece) offers more, more, more. More blood, more gore, more effects. And yet somehow you feel shortchanged.
It could be the irritatingly repetitious effects that are impressively stylish at first but wearing after the 30th time. Or the fact the story attempts to be complex but fails.
Luckily you’re so distracted by Eva Green’s AMAZING turn as a psychotic villain bent on revenge that you will leave pretty happy. She has slashed her way into my top five movie villains of all-time with an intense performance that has you occasionally cheering for the bad guys. Rather than a third 300 film let’s have an Artemisia prequel.
It’s a mid-range bloody popcorn flick. Now can someone just explain to me why there are particles hanging in the air everywhere in Greek cities?
The Monuments Men
What’s it about?
George Clooney and company go undercover to save art from Hitler. Based on a true story.
What did we think?
Scott Ford says: Even Clooney’s fabled charm can’t save this muddled dud of a movie. For a film about art there were surprisingly few artworks on display. Why they’re so valuable is never fleshed out, either. This could be subtlety if it weren’t for Clooney’s adolescent speeches about the importance of culture. Sorry George, but I sided with the infuriated military men: would you want to explain to a mother that her son died for a panting?
We are left with a group of beloved actors romping through an unfunny homage to classic WW2 movies. Watching The Monuments Men feels like watching your dad and his mates acting out their tired stories. You’ll nod, you’ll smile — you might even chuckle once or twice — but you’ll be relieved when it’s over.
Nebraska
What’s it about?An addled old man (Bruce Dern) becomes convinced he’s won $1 million after receiving a sweepstakes letter in the mail, all he has to do is travel to Nebraska to get it. His loving son (Will Forte) begrudgingly agrees to aid him in his mission.
What did we think?
Elizabeth says: Here’s a movie where silence speaks volumes and the absence of colour on screen ensures the rich narrative hues are not just present, but front and centre. The greyscale cinematography perfectly encapsulates the wide plains and narrow minds of middle America and the performances (especially from Dern and the usually-comedic Forte) are beautifully understated. Nebraska is proof that less is more and that even the most modest stories can be the most powerful. You’ll leave the cinema with a silly grin on your face.
Wolf Creek 2
What’s it about?
A serial killer in the Australian outback returns to terrorise backpackers.
What did we think?
Anthony Sherratt said: If there was a ‘gore comedy’ genre this would fit right into it. Whereas the original Wolf Creek was a thriller featuring a tireless psychopath, the second offering has chosen to paint the sociopath as a wisecracking xenophobic racist. He’s still relentless but much more sadistically slapstick. It helps that the victims make so many stupid choices you’re almost cheering for the killer but it doesn’t change the fact the sequel is far lighter and inferior. The ‘based on true facts’ is a bit of mishmash of loose claims but if you’re going for entertainment rather than history you probably won’t be disappointed.
Not quite horror, not quite comedy, not quite torture porn. But attempting to make the main character more likable AND the poster child for anti-immigrant protesters? That could be the most horrific call of all.
Winter’s Tale
What’s it about?
In an early 1900s version of New York City that isn’t the real one (although it will take a flying horse for viewers to work that out), a common thief falls in love with a dying heiress and clashes with a Russell Crowe-shaped demon.
What did we think?
Elizabeth says: It’s astounding how a movie can be both overwritten and under-explained. Demons! Angel horses that are really spirit dogs! Everyone has a magic miracle inside them! Love someone so hard they can never die! Time travel! Stars are people too! Will Smith is the Devil and even though it’s 1916 he wears a modern blazer and a T-shirt! Wait, what? Exactly.
I tried really hard to get swept up with the romance and magic, but much like the dying protagonist I was left cold. If there is a miracle inside everyone, I wish I could use mine to get my two hours back.
Endless Love
What’s it about?
Introverted, scholarly-yet-gorgeous teen Jade (Gabriella Wilde) falls in love with David (Alex Pettyfer), the hot young son of a local mechanic. Jade’s doctor father, Reverend Camden, will have none of it.
What did we think?
Marnie Clarke says: My companion pointed out Endless Love’s resemblance to a Tommy Hilfiger commercial, with its pretty leads and all-American lunches on the deck by the lake. There’s even a token sassy black friend for light comic relief. Jade and David fall in love via montage and have appropriately photogenic sex by the fire. But, the problem with forgoing meaningful dialogue in favour of cutesy loved-up montages is that you rob your audience of reasons to care about the relationship. Reverend Camden does his best to create dramatic tension, and David’s bad-boy past comes into the picture, but none of this is new, fresh or even interesting. But then I overheard other women gushing about it afterwards so maybe I just have a heart of stone. I gave it half a star because Jade has nice hair.
What’s Popular
Now You See Me 2
What’s it about?
Your favourite vigilante illusionists are back out of hiding but they’re quickly leveraged into pulling off a big heist.
What did we think?
Dan says: Disclaimer: I enjoyed Highlander 2 when I first saw it because I’d never seen the first and didn’t realise what it was destroying. This could also be the case with this sequel.
Heist films have had to become more and more fanciful since Simon Dermott activated an alarm with a boomerang in ‘How to steal a million’. Now they seem to require back-flipping samurai or driving Mini Coopers down hallways. Ed Solomon (Bill and Ted) pens absurd levels of silliness in this caper. It’s delightful and joyous, but try not to work out how they did the tricks… or in fact anything… during their escapades. Best to allow them to make your brain disappear, then reappear after the credits roll.
Ta DA!
Angry Birds
What’s it about?
When an island populated by happy, flightless birds is visited by mysterious green piggies, it’s up to three unlikely outcasts with anger problems – Red, Chuck and Bomb – to figure out what the pigs are up to.
What did we think?
The thought of a movie based on an app filled me with dread but this movie had more charm than it had a right to. It’s hardly going to be remembered as a classic but there are enough gags – both relating to the game and life in general – to keep most attentions on the screen. Certainly the kids will laugh at the over the top antics of the characters and at the end of the day that’s what this film is about.
X-Men Apocalypse
What’s it about?
The X-Men must reunite to face a nearly immortal and super powerful mutant who plans to bring on the apocalypse.
What did we think?
Anthony Sherratt says: At one point one of the characters in the film comments that the third movie is never as good. It’s as if director Brian Singer was signalling his surrender. Certainly this instalment doesn’t fail because of it’s lack of ambition; it’s just that there’s very little new or even exciting. The same aspirational tone of Xavier having the same argument with grief-stricken Magneto? Check. Cameos for the fanboys? Check. Impressive fx? Check. Unveiling new fan favourites of the ensemble? Check (though we hardly explore them at all). A cliched story hinging on hoping for the better? Check.
It’s what it’s missing that lets it down. A coherent, flowing story for a start, and while movies don’t automatically need a twist this one sure needed something. The clever layers that set the previous movies in the franchise apart are well and truly missing.
Perhaps the expanding cast and easter egg nods to comic book fans will be enough for some but in my opinion this could be the apocalypse for the mutant franchise. To be fair there’s a degree of comic book movie fatigue around at the moment but it doesn’t change the fact this flick is simply not fresh or even very smart.
Green Room
What’s it about?
Teen angst, neo-nazis and punk rock. What could go wrong?
What did we think?
Stephen Scott says: “Pretentious twaddle” was all I thought for the first half hour: a meandering tale following a punk band that’s rejected the internet because music is “in the now”. Then they get a paying gig. Character backstory is over. Now everyone is going to die by bite, blade or bullet cartridge.
Patrick Stewart is the creepiest neo-nazi you’re going to see in a long, long time.
Editor's Choice
Now You See Me 2
What’s it about?
Your favourite vigilante illusionists are back out of hiding but they’re quickly leveraged into pulling off a big heist.
What did we think?
Dan says: Disclaimer: I enjoyed Highlander 2 when I first saw it because I’d never seen the first and didn’t realise what it was destroying. This could also be the case with this sequel.
Heist films have had to become more and more fanciful since Simon Dermott activated an alarm with a boomerang in ‘How to steal a million’. Now they seem to require back-flipping samurai or driving Mini Coopers down hallways. Ed Solomon (Bill and Ted) pens absurd levels of silliness in this caper. It’s delightful and joyous, but try not to work out how they did the tricks… or in fact anything… during their escapades. Best to allow them to make your brain disappear, then reappear after the credits roll.
Ta DA!
Angry Birds
What’s it about?
When an island populated by happy, flightless birds is visited by mysterious green piggies, it’s up to three unlikely outcasts with anger problems – Red, Chuck and Bomb – to figure out what the pigs are up to.
What did we think?
The thought of a movie based on an app filled me with dread but this movie had more charm than it had a right to. It’s hardly going to be remembered as a classic but there are enough gags – both relating to the game and life in general – to keep most attentions on the screen. Certainly the kids will laugh at the over the top antics of the characters and at the end of the day that’s what this film is about.
X-Men Apocalypse
What’s it about?
The X-Men must reunite to face a nearly immortal and super powerful mutant who plans to bring on the apocalypse.
What did we think?
Anthony Sherratt says: At one point one of the characters in the film comments that the third movie is never as good. It’s as if director Brian Singer was signalling his surrender. Certainly this instalment doesn’t fail because of it’s lack of ambition; it’s just that there’s very little new or even exciting. The same aspirational tone of Xavier having the same argument with grief-stricken Magneto? Check. Cameos for the fanboys? Check. Impressive fx? Check. Unveiling new fan favourites of the ensemble? Check (though we hardly explore them at all). A cliched story hinging on hoping for the better? Check.
It’s what it’s missing that lets it down. A coherent, flowing story for a start, and while movies don’t automatically need a twist this one sure needed something. The clever layers that set the previous movies in the franchise apart are well and truly missing.
Perhaps the expanding cast and easter egg nods to comic book fans will be enough for some but in my opinion this could be the apocalypse for the mutant franchise. To be fair there’s a degree of comic book movie fatigue around at the moment but it doesn’t change the fact this flick is simply not fresh or even very smart.
Green Room
What’s it about?
Teen angst, neo-nazis and punk rock. What could go wrong?
What did we think?
Stephen Scott says: “Pretentious twaddle” was all I thought for the first half hour: a meandering tale following a punk band that’s rejected the internet because music is “in the now”. Then they get a paying gig. Character backstory is over. Now everyone is going to die by bite, blade or bullet cartridge.
Patrick Stewart is the creepiest neo-nazi you’re going to see in a long, long time.