Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire – Movie Review

If they were just mates, it wouldn’t be as fun

What’s it about?

Two bachelors with a long-standing rivalry are forced to put their differences aside to deal with an unwanted neighbour.

What’d we think?

If you like your monster movies to be “metaphors” or “thoughtful” then you need to pack your shit and get out of Rio De Janeiro, because big dumb fun is BACK baby. While 2023’s Godzilla Minus One was a rare treat – a monster movie that would have functioned just as well without the monster, Godzilla x Kong is a delightful inverse of this, with Hollywood seemingly realising that no one gives a shit about the humans in these movies, and has kept their involvement to an appropriate minimum.

We open with Kong going about his day-to-day in the Hollow Earth, but my main man is clearly a little starved for company. On the surface, Godzilla’s day job seems to be travelling the world to wreck the shit of any giant monster that has the temerity to breathe on the same planet as him. The fellas are staying out of each other’s way for the most part, but you know it’s not going to be too long before circumstances conspire to push them together for a punch-up. Kong’s discovery of another EVEN HOLLOWER earth kicks the plot into gear, introducing a community of giant apes that momentarily give Kong hope for community and a sense of belonging. But no, they’re mostly arseholes and so he needs Zilly’s help to beat them up.

The movie leans into the silliest elements of the franchise in the best way possible, because it’s simply more FUN this way. Godzilla naps in the Colosseum like a giant housecat. Kong beats up some giant apes using a smaller giant ape like a flail. Godzilla absorbs so much radiation that he gets a bisexual lighting upgrade. If this kind of thing doesn’t rev your engine then the movie likely isn’t going to be for you, but what the hell were you expecting?

It’s a heap of fun, and easily the most rewatchable of the WB monsterverse movies.

Heaps of fun
Godzilla suplexes Kong off the Great Pyramid of Giza. Pure cinema. Still too many humans and too much talking.
A raconteur by nature and motormouth by trade, the only thing Pete loves more than watching movies is a good debate about movies. He'll argue with anyone about anything, and enjoy it more than is socially acceptable.
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