The final Twilight film is out, and everyone is happy. The fans get the final chapter, and people like me get the knowledge that there won’t be any more. Sorry, but I got 10 minutes into the first film and had to walk out. The pouting, the angst, the pouting. I had my share of teen movies when I was a teenager.
Which made me think – every generation has the chance to create the greatest teen movie of all time. Before they do so, they need to see what’s reached that pinnacle so they can stand on the shoulders of giants.
That said, open the curtains, roll the ads for the candy bar, dim the lights, and prepare to tell me where I got it totally wrong …
Top 25 Teen Flicks of All Time
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – no explanation needed. The ultimate teen film
Kick Ass – because Chloë Grace Moretz KICKS ASS
Grease – it’s a shame no one can be stranded at a drive-in anymore
To Sir With Love – groundbreaking for its time, and still has the power to break your heart
Rebel Without A Cause – the textbook on how to be a troubled teen
Stand By Me – story by Stephen King, directed by Rob Reiner, cast included River Phoenix & Wil Wheaton. Hard to beat this calibre.
Romeo + Juliet – Shakespeare rocketed into the 20th Century with some chap called Leonardo
The Breakfast Club – high school is hell … welcome to purgatory
The Wild One – Brando was so bad the film was banned in the UK
Back to the Future – Doc! DeLorean! Making sure your parents pash!
Fast Times at Ridgemont High – keeping in real in the 80’s
Footloose – something the red states of the US should watch again ASAP
Wayne’s World – Bohemian Rhapsody head banging … Schwing!
Ghost World – awkward, outcast teens & geeks in the noughties
Heathers – because nothing says “I love you” than murdering the cool kids who make fun of you
Edward Scissorhands – because a best-of movie list without Johnny Depp isn’t a list
Dead Poet’s Society – be inspired and jump on your desk before Robin Williams starts doing silly voices again
Donnie Darko – I wasn’t sure if this should make the list, but there’s this rabbit sitting next to me who is very convincing
Pump Up The Volume – before the internet, there was pirate radio. Talk hard!
Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion – OMG, like, you know?
American Pie – flautists were never looked at the same way again
The Harry Potter Series – some films plod, but just watching the trio growing up (oh, those magical pains of puberty) warrants a mention
Risky Business – Tom Cruise in underwear. Before he became a nut-job (allegedly)
American Graffiti – yes kids, George Lucas made films aside from Star Wars
Mean Girls – Heathers without the murders but balanced out with Lindsay Lohan
Honourable Mentions:
Superbad – McLovin’
Bend it Like Beckham – Keira Knightly playing football
I Know What You Did Last Summer – teenagers being murdered for fun
Fame – remember my name
Clueless – it’s Jane Austin, bitch!
10 Things I Hate About You – it’s Shakespeare, bitch!
Easy A – it’s The Scarlet Letter, bitch!
Sixteen Candles – it sucks when everyone forgets your birthday
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World – who knew dating could be this dangerous?
Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead – because Christina Applegate
Zombieland – because Bill Murray. because zombies
Juno – the sobering side to teen sex
Teen Wolf – Michael’s a Fox appears again with some harmless fluff
Dishonourable Mentions:
Twilight – setting the image of the modern woman back 50 years
Crossroads – because Britney, bitch!
Porky’s – good idea, poorly made. American Pie got it right
Return to the Blue Lagoon – you’d think Hollywood would have learnt from their mistakes, wouldn’t you?
Step Up 1, 2 & 3 – speaking of mistakes … you really think a reason needs to be made?
C’mon. You’re dying to let me know what’s wrong here. The comments box is right there. I dare you.
Hollywood loves rehashing successful franchises to generate more cash. Charlie’s Angels, Transformers, and the Bourne series are just some of the TV shows, toys or books that have recently been rehashed.
Television shows in particular have been getting a good run recently: Star Trek was spectacularly rebooted with a new cast and new parallel universe (nice touch); Tom Cruise’s Mission: Impossible series doesn’t seem to want to end; and the recent relaunch of The Muppets shows that a weekly TV program can create memorable movie characters.
But for every hit, there is a miss: Bewitched, The Dukes of Hazzard and Lost in Space are proof of that.
Which is precisely why there should never, nay, will never be another Doctor Who movie. At least in the foreseeable future.
No matter what storyline or actors are chosen, it will end up being another Dark Shadows: a film that polarised the audience with fans feeling cheated and newbies to the franchise being baffled with boredom.
The recent pitch for new Who by David Yates stated it wouldn’t feature the existing Doctor (Matt Smith), essentially making it a reboot. This is pointless as the TV show has had 11 major reboots over its 49 year history.
Doctor Who is unparalleled in this aspect – with each new regeneration, and even with the departure and arrival of new companions, the show changes. Sometimes minimally, sometimes going in a brand new direction.
Colin Baker’s 6th Doctor harked back to the original William Hartnell – snippy, aggressive, cantankerous … essentially a loveable pain-in-the-arse. The 10th Doctor became a sci-fi love story with Billie Piper’s Rose and Freema Agyeman’s Martha harping over the devilishly good-looking and increasingly power-mad David Tennant.
Whom would the film version be based on? Definitely not the Peter Davison soppy wet fish Doctor, nor the clownish Patrick Troughton, or the maniacal Tom Baker.
No, we’d end up with a Hollywood version: a Frankenstein’s monster mash-up of the last three Doctors. Brooding, good-looking, and (naturally) insanely brilliant. And of course not angry or conflicted or potentially vengeful – a big screen Doctor would have to be easily accessible for the masses.
The problem is, fans have seen this all before. The Doctor’s personality must be different for each regeneration – that’s what makes the concept work. Having a slightly watered-down Doctor harks back to the original two Peter Cushing films. While the first was a hit, the second crashed and burned, leaving the franchise to continue solely on the small screen.
It would be a mistake to alienate the existing fanbase, the largest potential audience, with a celluloid Doctor they are highly likely to reject. For this reason alone, the BBC would be hesitant to proceed back to the big screen.
Then there is the companion: the ‘everyman’ who juxtaposes the Gallifreyan’s alien nature by injecting humanity and awe. Like a dumbed-down Dr Watson, the companion is essential to Doctor Who, they are not only our eyes, but our key to this universe. Without the ability to grow a character over time, a film version would become a cheap, one-dimensional side-kick, similar to Dr Holloway in the one-off TV movie.
Most importantly to a movie reboot is the MacGuffin. Popularity dictates it would probably be the Daleks or the Master, but with recent stories brilliantly told with these villains, and even the introduction of new adversaries that stand up well alongside their predecessors (the Weeping Angels, the Silence, and the Vashta Nerada), a new movie would either have to portray an existing villain in a new and exciting way, or debut a new opponent – one worthy of the pantheon of the Whoniverse.
While it’s exciting to think of the possibilities, history proves that this is highly unlikely.
The final nail in the coffin of a new movie is Steven Moffat’s innovative approach to season 7, where every episode itself feels like a movie. In his own words, every Doctor Who episode for 2012-2013 was created with “slutty titles and movie poster plots … big pictures and straplines”. He even said that one episode he wrote would “feel a bit like Die Hard”.
What’s the point of making a Doctor Who movie when we’ve just had five absolute classics, with another seven to come in 2013 … including a second episode penned by the extraordinary Neil Gaiman, and an episode tentatively titled “Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS”?
Perhaps there will be another Doctor Who movie, but not until the current series is rested to allow demand to grow again. Which hopefully won’t be for quite a few years yet.
There’s no doubt that I talk a lot. And the only time I’m ever quiet is when I sit down to watch a movie. Even then however, I somehow become the annoying impersonator – the one who mimics the actors playing on screen, trying to do as they do, be as they are. Let’s face it, you know my type. You feed my type popcorn, because it will get you half way through the show in silence. But there’s something I’ve noticed that’s affected me. Every line I recite becomes a line of my own. Like glue, it sticks and no matter what I do to shake these lines off, they stay.
When faced with indifference I don’t say “I don’t care”. No, instead I say “frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”. I often declare myself the king of the world (gender notwithstanding) and the first time I set foot in the alien world of Ipswich I looked around and actually uttered “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore”.
It’s true – movies have shaped my entire vocabulary.
This obsession started at an early age. With a keen attitude towards being a doctor, Kindergarten Cop taught me all about health. If I had a headache, well the symptoms might just be a bit more serious than that. But wait… ‘It’s not a tumour!’ Not to mention, I learnt the anatomy of boys and girls pretty fast and would advise others as such.
Cartoons paved a potential career in home economics. Shrek helped me understand that the best activity one could do was ‘stay up late, swapping manly stories and in the morning, I’m making waffles.’ However with a short attention span, I was easily distracted by other things. ‘I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.’ Chicken Run further educated me about crime and the difference between holidays and solitary confinement. I knew that I had to make an impact in my life. Some could say I had an epiphany where ‘my life flashed before my eyes and it was really boring.’
Therefore, I gathered that to be employable I needed to refine my skills. ‘Like my nun chuck skills, bow hunting skills and computer hacking skills.’ Napoleon Dynamite encouraged my interest in politics and I learnt that ‘if you vote for me, I’d make all your wildest dreams come true.’ On a side note, this quote actually made its way into my Year 12 captaincy speech. I can vouch for its ability to work as I landed the position I was after.
Entering adolescence, some could say that I became a bit of a Mean Girl. If you didn’t wear the right clothing on some days then I shouted you ‘can’t sit with us.’ I prided myself in looking fabulous and people knew that my hair was so big ‘because it’s full of secrets.’ And I didn’t calm people down with hugs or soothing words, preferring to simply yell “there’s no crying in baseball!”
It took me awhile to realise ‘houston, we have a problem’. It’s true: without knowing it, I’d almost joined the dark side and become a walking quoting machine. The force was VERY strong within this one.
Ultimately, I realised how negative ‘mean’ was and stopped fantasising about jumping over tables and clawing other girls. Instead I wished ‘that I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles and we’d all eat it and be happy.’
My love for all things creative provided a welcome distraction and fellow bombshells Kath and Kim reminded me that ‘it’s noice, it’s different and it’s unusual.’ And I revelled in the knowledge that nobody could put baby in the corner. But in all honesty I couldn’t handle the competitiveness of this business. There were only A Few Good Men in show business and I couldn’t handle the truth they gave me.
I also discovered that in the performing arts, screaming “show me the money” only gets you a reputation as a prima donna princess.
Finally, I settled on Journalism as a career choice and set about improving my grammar by watching Clueless. I learnt the essence of inserting rather big words into my sentences, though this didn’t happen ‘sporadically’ or ‘spontaneously’. I learnt other lingo as well ensuring I was mature with my chosen language. Despite this, I knew that at the same time I could always chill and ‘roll with my homies.’
Though to this day I meet confrontation with a steely gaze and ask them if they feel lucky.
And these are just some of the movies that form the crux of my everyday sayings. Spend any amount of time with me and you’ll start questioning whether I have any original dialogue (I do by the way – but you’re really not giving me enough credit for my ability to communicate via movie-speak).
I had no need to look any of these up as I wrote this. They are deeply entrenched in my brain, taking up valuable space that was meant for university study notes. Oh well. I’m sure you have the same problem, right?
Why is so good? They show you the concept – young girl being abducted while the father listens on the phone. Then the father provides a chilling monologue to one of the kidnappers in which we discover he’s a man of “special skills” (black ops is implied). His monologue ends with an ultimatum of “I will find you. I will kill you.” The kidnapper wishes him good luck.
The second I saw this trailer I was excited. I couldn’t wait for the movie to come out. I knew what it was about but knew nothing past the early stages of the film. My anticipation was through the roof.
20. Rollerball (1975)
19. Major League
18. The Club
17. Big Wednesday
16. The Bad News Bears (1976)
15. The Hustler (1961)
14. Slap Shot (1977)
13. Tin Cup
12. Escape To Victory
11. Raging Bull
