Paper Towns
WHAT’S IT ABOUT?
A high school senior (Nat Wolff) finds secret messages left for him by his recently disappeared crush (Cara Delevingne), and takes his friends on a road trip to track her down.
WHAT DID WE THINK?
The term “teen movie” basically exists to say “teenagers don’t know any better”, and Paper Towns is a movie that doesn’t help that. It’s got wonderful performances all around, especially from Cara Delevingne, and there’s a soundtrack filled with trendy music from the likes of Haim and The War on Drugs. Sadly, the smart-alecky and pretentious script imparts the tired message that “nerdy” guys, no matter how gross, are just sweet schlubs that deserve whatever female attention they can get.
Self/Less
What’s it about?
An ageing billionaire is given the chance to cheat death by having his mind transferred into a younger body. When his curiosity threatens the secrecy of the project he must cheat death again… and again… and again.
What we thought
Dan says: It’s like the creators of this film were experimenting with teleportation. Their clever ‘brain-swap’ sci-fi script climbed into the machine but they didn’t notice a gross little nineties action film buzz in at the last moment.
When the smoke clears you’ve got a vaguely interesting tale (brightened up by some artsy editing) that starts to digest itself with dull car chases and lots of uninspired gun fights. I never looked at my watch but I did forget I’d seen it the following day.
The Gallows
What’s it about?
Twenty years after a boy dies while performing in a high school play, a group of students reviving the play are terrorised by his malevolent ghost.
What did we think?
Dominic Barlow says: Behold yet another in the spate of tedious found-footage horror movies that Paranormal Activity unleashed. The usual problems are present – boring attempts at being scary, strained believability in the idea that someone would film it all – but we’re also given what might be the most loathsome main character in any film this year. Another found-footage chiller from this year, Unfriended, showed that vile protagonists are no obstacle to inventive film-making, but there’s no value like that to be found here.
Magic Mike XXL
What’s it about?
Five strippers go to a stripping convention for one last strip.
What did we think?
Elizabeth Best says: This is the movie everyone thought the original would be: an excuse for hot guys to get their kit off and a socially sanctioned way for women to drool over said guys. In between the pelvic thrusting, (I’m PRETTY sure there were scenes between the thrusting…) there’s a sense of humour that was missing from Magic Mike, making this film sillier but somehow more enjoyable (not just because of the semi-naked men, shut up.) If you’ve ever wanted to see porn on the big screen, this is your chance.
Terminator: Genisys
What’s it about?
Kyle Reese (Jai Courtney) is sent back to protect Sarah Connor (Emilia Clarke) from the Terminator (Arnold Schwartzenegger), but Sarah isn’t the fragile flower she was supposed to be at this point in time. So what happened in the future/past to speed up her transition into butt-kicking warrior?
What did we think?
Elizabeth Best says: T5 pays homage without hitting you over the head, goes meta without ramming it home and reboots the franchise with a suitably satisfying time-bending plot. It’s the first Terminator film to feel like a Terminator film since T2. The only thing really wrong with this film is Clarke; Linda Hamilton she ain’t. If you haven’t watched the trailer, don’t: spoilers abound and some cool reveals won’t be revelations at all. Ratings wise, I give the pre-credits film 3.5 stars… A post-credits sting scene drops that to a 3. You were so close, guys.
Amy
What’s it about?
Amy Winehouse created one of the greatest albums of our time, thrusting herself into the spotlight of public judgement: exactly the life she wanted to avoid.
What we thought
Stephen Scott says: There are train wrecks and there is Amy Winehouse. The opening of this documentary introduces us to a stella talent, a cheeky young lass with an old soul and the voice of a blues legend. Then the train wreck begins and doesn’t stop. Amy fell in love with a gold-digging drug addict and surrounded herself with “yes” men (including her father). It’s sad, it’s depressing, but how else could she have written such amazing music?
Is there any way I can use weeping emoticons instead of stars?
😢😭😰
What’s Popular
Gifted
What’s it about?
A man is raising his niece, who is a mathematical prodigy. Once her abilities have been discovered, her grandmother fights for custody.
What did we think?
Imogen says: Watch as one of the Marvel Chrises handsomes his way through this beige movie. It’s got everything you’ve ever seen in a heartwarming film:
- a man who’s struggling to raise a child by himself,
- (but does it in a unique and quirky way);
- an equally unique and quirky child with a special talent;
- a two-dimensional love interest character (Jenny Slate, you’re better than this);
- a two-dimensional sassy yet wise black neighbour (Octavia Spencer, you’re WAY better than this).
- an acoustic soundtrack and predictable outcome.
The Dark Tower
What it’s about?
A dark tower exists that protects the universe from a demonic apocalypse. The tower can be destroyed by the mind of a child. The Man in Black (Matthew McConaughey) is locked in an eternal struggle with the Last Gunslinger (Idris Elba), as one tries to bring the tower down and the other tries to defend it. One child is caught in the middle of it all.
What did we think?
Elizabeth Best says: I immediately wanted to watch more of The Dark Tower when the credits rolled. Not because it was a stellar movie, but because I felt like there was SO much we didn’t see. Moviemakers saw fit to compress EIGHT Stephen King books into one movie, leaving the intriguing premise feeling rushed and under explained. This needs to be a TV show so I can binge the crap out of it rather than a movie that piqued my interest but left me dissatisfied.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
What’s it about?
50 years after their first adventure launched in comic strip form, spatio-temporal agents Valérian and Laureline finally hit the big screen. In their debut cinematic story, the pair uncover a sinister plot to take genocide to a new level by wiping all knowledge of a peaceful civilisation from galactic history.
What did we think?
Stephen Scott says: Strangely this reminds me of the original Star Wars AND the prequel trilogies at the same time. Like the 1977 classic, you are thrown head-first into a dirty universe, with no back stories to guide you. It’s an assault on your imagination, and a welcome one. Valerian’s universe is spectacular.
Contrariwise, like the flawed prequels, you have to use your imagination to get over the unforgivable plot holes, bordering-on-the-offensive character inconsistencies, and the atrocious miscasting of Dane DeHaan as the (supposedly) womanising tactical genius Valerian.
It’s still good enough to get four stars. Imagine how good it would have been with the appropriate swagger.
Logan Lucky
What’s it about?
Down-on-their-luck siblings join forces with bomb-addict siblings for a heist that will become legendary: the home of NASCAR.
What did we think?
Stephen Scott says: Logan Lucky (3¾★) wins the heist battle of 2017 over Baby Driver (3½★) thanks to a stronger storyline and beguiling characters – interestingly both films use the transition of musical styles to further tension, in this case from country to bluegrass. Soderbergh cleverly mirrors the same story of a fight-against-the-odds for redemption across three encampments without you realising by using sleight of hand, country music, a couple of clever twists, and some good laughs.
BEWARE: the odds are high you’ll end up singing a John Denver classic. Yep. That one.
Editor's Choice
Gifted
What’s it about?
A man is raising his niece, who is a mathematical prodigy. Once her abilities have been discovered, her grandmother fights for custody.
What did we think?
Imogen says: Watch as one of the Marvel Chrises handsomes his way through this beige movie. It’s got everything you’ve ever seen in a heartwarming film:
- a man who’s struggling to raise a child by himself,
- (but does it in a unique and quirky way);
- an equally unique and quirky child with a special talent;
- a two-dimensional love interest character (Jenny Slate, you’re better than this);
- a two-dimensional sassy yet wise black neighbour (Octavia Spencer, you’re WAY better than this).
- an acoustic soundtrack and predictable outcome.
The Dark Tower
What it’s about?
A dark tower exists that protects the universe from a demonic apocalypse. The tower can be destroyed by the mind of a child. The Man in Black (Matthew McConaughey) is locked in an eternal struggle with the Last Gunslinger (Idris Elba), as one tries to bring the tower down and the other tries to defend it. One child is caught in the middle of it all.
What did we think?
Elizabeth Best says: I immediately wanted to watch more of The Dark Tower when the credits rolled. Not because it was a stellar movie, but because I felt like there was SO much we didn’t see. Moviemakers saw fit to compress EIGHT Stephen King books into one movie, leaving the intriguing premise feeling rushed and under explained. This needs to be a TV show so I can binge the crap out of it rather than a movie that piqued my interest but left me dissatisfied.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
What’s it about?
50 years after their first adventure launched in comic strip form, spatio-temporal agents Valérian and Laureline finally hit the big screen. In their debut cinematic story, the pair uncover a sinister plot to take genocide to a new level by wiping all knowledge of a peaceful civilisation from galactic history.
What did we think?
Stephen Scott says: Strangely this reminds me of the original Star Wars AND the prequel trilogies at the same time. Like the 1977 classic, you are thrown head-first into a dirty universe, with no back stories to guide you. It’s an assault on your imagination, and a welcome one. Valerian’s universe is spectacular.
Contrariwise, like the flawed prequels, you have to use your imagination to get over the unforgivable plot holes, bordering-on-the-offensive character inconsistencies, and the atrocious miscasting of Dane DeHaan as the (supposedly) womanising tactical genius Valerian.
It’s still good enough to get four stars. Imagine how good it would have been with the appropriate swagger.
Logan Lucky
What’s it about?
Down-on-their-luck siblings join forces with bomb-addict siblings for a heist that will become legendary: the home of NASCAR.
What did we think?
Stephen Scott says: Logan Lucky (3¾★) wins the heist battle of 2017 over Baby Driver (3½★) thanks to a stronger storyline and beguiling characters – interestingly both films use the transition of musical styles to further tension, in this case from country to bluegrass. Soderbergh cleverly mirrors the same story of a fight-against-the-odds for redemption across three encampments without you realising by using sleight of hand, country music, a couple of clever twists, and some good laughs.
BEWARE: the odds are high you’ll end up singing a John Denver classic. Yep. That one.