What’s it about?
A woman on the run from a detective, lands in Southport, North Carolina, where she meets a handsome widower and his kids, and must ultimately confront her past.

What did we think?
Hilary says: The marketing of this film trumpets its connection to much-loved films The Notebook (same writer) and Cider House Rules (same director). Sadly, this makes the Save Haven seem even worse than it already is, simply by comparison. Sound performances by Josh Duhamel and Julianne Hough  are marred by dull dialogue, a painful pace and a score that flips jarringly from overly dramatic pieces to cheesy country, making the film feel disjointed. A twist in the middle helps ramp up the momentum, but the second twist at the end is odd and unnecessary. All this, combined with laughable over-acting by David Lyons as the detective, leaves Safe Haven in midday-movie territory. Not even Duhamel taking his shirt off can save this. Do your relationship a favour, ladies, and do not drag your boyfriend to this movie.

What’s it about?
Tina is a simple lass who is looking forward to going on a caravan holiday with her new boyfriend Chris (an “erotic caravanning holiday” as he puts it), where they will see the majestic sights of the Crich Tramway Museum, and the Keswick Pencil Museum – with a few brutal murders thrown in for good luck.

What do we think?
Stephen says: not a black comedy, an über-black comedy. No light penetrates the darkness even though people have reported it’s hilariously laugh-out-loud funny. I laughed. Three times. But the humour here is more creepy and uncomfortable. The type where you cringe as you guffaw. “Oh look, he smashed that man’s head into pulp – literally pulp (giggle).”

It’s beautifully acted, but slow paced, and when it comes down to it, a one trick pony that just doesn’t go anywhere.

What’s it about?
A mind-boggling list of Hollywood will-bes, currently-ares and has-beens star in a series of loosely connected shorts joined together by “The Pitch”, in which Dennis Quaid “plays” an unpredictable lunatic aggressively trying to sell his awful script to embattled studio exec Greg Kinnear (easily the most relatable character in the film).

What did we think?
Mitch says: A class of illiterate orphans with four broken pencils, three sheets of paper and a reference copy of Das Kapital could write a funnier movie than this, and there would probably be fewer dick jokes. If you ever feel like your life has no purpose, now you know it does: to go and punch Peter Farrelly right in his stupid face.

What’s it about?
After roasting the candy-housed witch in the fairy tale, Hansel and Gretel grow up and become, surprise surprise, witch hunters.

What did we think?
Liz says: We really need two rating systems. As a B-grade flick Hansel and Gretel is actually kind of enjoyable, even if it does suffer from a case of the “takes itself too seriously by the end” blues. But compare it to real movies and, well, let’s just say Hansel’s diabetes from eating too much candy as a kid comes up more than once. Curse you diabetes! It’s so schlocky bad that it ALMOST swings around to being good again. Almost. But Jeremy Renner gets his shirt off, so there is that.