It is a time of incongruity…

The First Sith Order’s
ambiguous tariff statutes mandate reexamination
of galactic export quotas.

As the galaxy collectively google “who is Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo?”
in a vain attempt to understand why Admiral Ackbar
was ingloriously killed off while his role
was given to what should have been some
obscure background character, Something, Something,
Something, Dark Side causes a space-time rift,
erasing the events of Episodes I, II, and bits of
III and VIII, making them non-canon, thereby
unruining the childhood of crybaby twitter trolls.

Meanwhile, a gathering shadow at Chubba the Shedd’s
Dust Palace sees everyone’s favourite OT characters
reappear either as force ghosts or reborn as babies into
the Resistance, as Disney rolls in oodles and oodles of
sweet, sweet cash.

The saga is finalised. Ended, this space opera is. Or is it?…

What did we think

  1. Stephen Scott December 19, 2019

    Messy fun. It’s a theme park ride created by schizophrenics.

    Oh! Oh! Wouldn’t it be fun if we added ... And what if X could do ...

    It wraps the Skywalker saga up. And it’s a visual feast. But if you try to please everyone, you end up with a mess.


  2. Anthony Sherratt December 18, 2019

    Star Wars: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER is a good tale told poorly.

    A technical review will find many faults (including a staccato and disjointed first act, excessive pandering and an OTT final act) but at the heart of it all is a story we should all be familiar with and love.

    It's of hope, struggle and, yes, redemption (not t mention light sabres). The further evolution of a Jedi abilities is to be rejoiced in, the nostalgic and sad scenes are a bit heavy handed but you should revel in the emotion.

    And even though JJ Abrams still doesn't know where to end a film, just let the emotions wash over you as we say goodbye to the original trilogy of trilogies. It's not perfect but it's emotionally satisfying.

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